This is all we need, a cup of coffee,a couple of smokes & good conversation.

Meanwhile...

2012-02-21T09:51:00.004-08:00

Seungseung is styled PERFECTLY in this video.

Everything he touches turns into gold,basically.

could not resist.

oh ji.

angel,this man is an angel

BIGBANG IS BACK

A few things:-

Seungri looks the best in this video.Loved how he was styled. So put together (A+!)
Youngbae,I love you.
I didnt think TOP can possibly be anymore amazing but he just became immortal in my books so.
The song itself is fantastic. I was hoping for a 'Love Song' vibe instead of jiyong-experimentation phase~ shizz and this is beyond what I hoped for. Lyrically,jiyong you're back on my list. (그리움속에 맘이 멍들었죠... if this does not tug your heartstrings you are a 로봇)
The next few weeks,I would like to apologize to my friends if I go off the rail loving Bigbang. This is just how I am when they have a comeback. All happy and glassy-eyed all the time. I also apologize in advanced to my future kids. Sorry,you guys just have to deal with your mommy losing all notions of sophisticated decorum once bigbang comes back.
Unless of course I marry Youngbae then I'm sorry I will be glassy-eyed all the damn time.

On the Battlefront #11 - Oh look the past is catching up to you because you're so goddamn stuck.

2012-02-19T09:01:00.000-08:00

I had a sudden need to clean EVERYTHING yesterday night at 12am. So I did. I dont know if this means I have issues but when I am restless,I clean. It does not mean that my room becomes cleaner strangely. When I mean 'clean' I mean I rearrange things from A to B to C. So basically,I shift my shit around until I like it. Yesterday's session was particularly fruitful since I FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY decisively parted with my alevels stash. All along it's been in this giant treasure chest thing collecting dust and I've never had enough energy to throw it away because somewhere deep in the dust bunny inside my skull I figured if I threw it away then no one would remember all the hardwork I put in. Or worse, I(!!) would forget and as you may know I like to buildup on my ego quite a lot and my alevel accomplishments were the best self-pity companions.

I did save the textbooks and the binded notes though. I need some tangible evidence at least. Whilst cleaning, I saw some gems that I want to share. I AM ABSOLUTELY RUBBISH at any type of phototaking even instagram cannot save my ass I am sorry about this.For nice pictures,please go to Jarratt's blog instead.

Oh,H2 Geography. (Urban Notes still suck.sorry mr.parsons!)

Connie's many many random bored lectures post-its. This one I particularly like (big hair club)

Always such urgency.

A good week in 2010. (2.4km passed thank god. and that was the last time I ran 2.4km ever)

What I decided to keep + Uni sem 1 stash nicely stored in an IKEA (love) storage thingy

Speaking of IKEA, I went to get a coat hanger which my sister has because I a)like it and b)wanted to spite her by having the exact same one. (& I ask myself why I feel lousy for no reason sometimes..this is all KARMA do you not know Suhaidah?)

My bags/scarves now organized (yay can buy new ones)

As I revel in my new organized room (before it gets thrashed by recess week) Today right now actually (12:45am) marks the first anniversary of SEOUL 2011.This time last year my seoul sweethearts (zakiah and namira) and I were on the plane to seoul feeling all sorts of excited.Now,I am feeling a little wistful because it just seems so surreal.I will never get over this trip I think...
Hopefully (and I am praying very hard for this) I'll get to go again,for way longer this time. This sounds way cheesy but it's really a goal I am working towards now. Uni so far hasnt been what I hoped for it to be and I dont think it'll get that much better if I stay here till I graduate. So I need (need) to go.

Seoul 2011 ; I miss you. 다음에 또 보자!

This has been an INCREDIBLY format-messy/content-messy/so effing disoriented post. I apologize.

Saturday Stimulus #2 : Eye candy

2012-02-18T05:23:00.000-08:00


T.O.P & Suh SangYoug for FUBU

Pyo jihoon(born 1993) aka ME EMBRACING MY IMPENDING NOONA-NESS COME HERE YOU QT PIE.

Queen Gonghyojin and Ha jung woo (looking dapper) for Vogue Korea.

On the Battlefront #10 - between a rock and a hard place.

2012-02-12T05:59:00.000-08:00

Shubaa's 20th year on earth. pc:jarratt!

The midnight birthday patrol aka Ruohan,Me and newly minted member Jarratt went to surprise AN ASLEEP Shubaa on the stroke of the end of her teenage years. You would think turning twenty you would want to stay up and cry about your lost youth but no,not for this future important person. Unlike the rest of us ordinary humans,her teenage years has already been filled to the brim so she just slept. Anyways,I really like the gift we got her I hope she likes it too! Also,this year was progress for me because I turned up NOT in my pyjamas - Ruohan says my trademark Tesco PJ's are already considered birthday attire. Happy Birthday Shubaa :)

Rainception

Semester's gaining momentum and so have I. However, in terms of pace you can basically count semester as a regular marathoner and me as my grandma on a bad day. Therefore,my attempts at doing my readings/catching up on deadlines that extend DEEP into the night will mostly culminate into watching Rain (비) on youtube at 2am in the morning. Along the way 1243 screencaps happen. This screenshot,I particularly like and it is poetically called 'RAINCEPTION' - rain in rain (doesnt take a genius,guys) I used to be a little bashful (maybe a teeny bit embarrassed?) about how much I like Rain just because he is stereotypes of stereotypes but now let me tell you, I will GLADLY jump his bones.

In between happy news and procrastinating on youtube,there has been sadness this week which came in the form of a distress phone call from my mother in the middle of american politics on wednesday morning. Our pet rabbit,Charkol passed from giving birth prematurely to stillborn little rabbits. As I type it out,it suddenly becomes a lot more sadder than I thought... I was not affectionate with Charkol at all - not that I am affectionate with any type of animal - but my mother and little brother (bless their souls) were pretty affected. This is the thing,any death is sad. Any passing is sad.As unfeeling as I am towards Charkol most of the time and as much as I would be scared to death when she suddenly jumped at me when I was hanging out the laundry,her presence was tangible and anything tangible will be missed when it is gone. RIP Charkol,you will be missed. If anything,my little brother (the biggest sweetheart ever) handled the situation very maturely. I am so proud of him. Also as a prior warning,all you future girls who will like him(because he is going to be an A+ catch) - I (as well as my mother) will make sure you have to be a goddamn saint before we let you near him you better watch out.

Before I end - just something I have been thinking about for awhile. During a train ride from Kent Ridge to Orchard for lunch (popeyes,beb) the comedic gold which is ern and I were having a great little conversation about how we feel that we're stuck in metaphorical limbo. I am not sure what exactly we called this feeling but this is how I remember it, it all culminated into not being able to identify ourselves yet. Ern said something along the lines of 'I cant choose,I want to be everything' and how she thinks she won't ever settle. I agreed with her wholeheartedly although I do think by the end of my uni days I would have forced myself to settle anyways. Then I realise,how incredibly jaded I feel with dreams~/ambitions~ etc etc. Nowadays especially, I feel myself being content with less. This worries me just a little bit. I did not expect my idealistic phase to fade out just like this - with a fizzle and not a bang (Easy A,2011) This needs to rectified. So I am going sky diving next weekend.
... well no. Overall,I love conversations like this.

I shall now let you know that my life is wonderfully littered with many of these introspective conversations because I have the greatest people as friends (Syaf let's you know about yet another lovely IN-DEPTH convo about Rachel Gibson fictional heroes we had. Before you think Rachel Gibson is some ~deep~ writer,I will tell you that the deepest thing you will find in a RG book is how deep I imagine Jack Parrish's or Dylan Taber's southern twang to be..heh heh heh)

That is all for now,wish me luck for my FOREIGN POLICY MIDTERMS ON TUESDAY IF YOU SEE ME OK. (lol,needy)

Also, a side note to S-E,

Yes,we are friends.

Right...?

Luv,S

On the Battlefront #9 - A friendly GET YOURSELF TGT OR ELSE message.

2012-02-05T09:29:00.000-08:00

Dear Suhaidah,

I know. I know. You work hard.. In the expectations you measure yourself by you're pretty up there. But let's not confuse competency with your also coincidentally self-pitying tendencies.Unfortunately,all the meagre hardworking things you do go through this filter called 'ego' before you properly judge it's worth. So reading 5 pages of 'Waltz's international theory' in the bus equates to = OMG THAT WAS SUCH A DIFFICULT READING & I CONQUERED IT~! Not necessarily the most unbiased system... Right now instead of completing the stack of readings on 'Foreign Policy', you are making a list of all the products you want to try out. (So far I have 4 on my list by the way*) You also have this urge to re-invent your wardrobe and surprise surprise this urge comes and goes every 2 weeks. You want so.many.things. Want to aspire,achieve,attain - and all the A grades that come along with that- yes what an eloquent dreamer you are. Hey,I am all for dreaming but at some point you have to stop dreaming and start STARTING. At this point you're probably thinking 'sigh I have started trying to pep talk myself again. I'm sure this forced out motivation will last me roughly about 2 hours?'... Well,you're probably right and it's amazing how well you know yourself. I know I told you at the beginning of the semester to take baby steps/ not to compare yourself to anybody else's standards/ to do things at your own pace and I still do believe in those things but right now you're just asking for it. My patience is wearing thin. Every night you coax me with sweet nothings "It's okay,tomorrow I will do a full day" "Teaching is tiring,we need to reward ourselves" "Dont worry sweetie,once I make myself coffee this night will turn productive" "...BUT IT'S PARKS AND REC!!!" and I admit,I too have wavered (especially when it involves parks and recreation) but right now I dont think I can continue with you anymore. I feel used and abused. I am not just any conscience you know,I am a highly respectable -go-to-makeup-lectures- conscience! If this union continues the way it is, I dont think I can be with you anymore. The thing is,I KNOW for a fact that without me you will just spiral downwards like a typhoon without an eye (Har) So I want us to work. I really do, will you listen to me? Will you? I see you nodding. This means you'll listen to me for real now right? That's my girl.. I knew I could count on you. Now these are the things I need you to do before going to bed today.

Clean your table - Honestly,I dont know how we can live like this.
Finish today's stash of readings
Clean your table - I know you work better with repetition ;)

Let's make this work ok?

Yours forever,
Your conscience.

ps: the products I want to try out //hint: they all smell nice

Lush Ocean Salt scrub (IT LOOKS LOVELY)
Body shop's tea tree oil blemish lotion (IT ALSO LOOKS LOVELY)
L'occitane shear butter lip balm (LOVELY AND I NEED IT)
Some nice smelling formula-thinghy for my purifier since the lavender one ran out..

Things to 20 you(s) I may or may not have courage to say out loud.

2012-01-31T04:58:00.000-08:00

You infuriate me a lot of the time but we are related so can you please stop being a bitch.Also,I took your stuff.
In the stories I sometimes make up in my mind,you are the second lead.
Stop it with your humble-brags please.
I hope this phase you are going through now is just a phase because I genuinely want you to be on the right path eventhough I am happy that you are happy.
I think you are a pretentious social climber but I dont care enough for this to be malicious.
I dont think we can ever be beyond awkward but I really do think you are a nice person.
It sucks that we have grown apart because I really looked up to you when we were younger.
ARE YOU or ARENT YOU? I can never be sure.
You are beyond cute. My 14 year old self forever flails at your prescence.
I am glad that we have this mutually clingy relationship and that I am your liberal malay confidante.
I am beyond jealous of your success but in a good way.
I am beyond jealous of your success but not in a good way.
When you disappear every now and then,it's not very nice. I'll never disappear on you,and you should do the same.
I hate not having to say anything to you and trying to find things to say because this means we're not comfortable enough with silences. Let's be comfortable with silences soon.
What if you actually really hate me? Please tell me you dont directly so my insane insecurities can be contained :c
I dont approve of your life choices but I dont care enough for this to be malicious.
I love you,Youngbae
You have nothing to be afraid of,really.
Don't know what I would do without you girls,honestly.
Very good looking you are now that we've grown up. Dang,I had good taste when I was 12.
I hope we find each other soon because my future looks pretty bleak now and I dont want to die alone. Thanks.

So, no.17 was cheating but I really do love you,youngbae.

On the Battlefront #8 - Social Experiments ( + very bad instagram photos)

2012-01-23T08:42:00.000-08:00

Today was spent the best of ways with the only way malays know how to spend their time during Chinese New Year ( Gong xi (x2) btw kids) which is - going to the beach. All beaches in fact,from East Coast to Pasir ris (not sentosa though,that one go in must pay ah) are FILLED with kampung kampers. I know I always poke fun at my race and the beach but the fact is family outings to the beach to literally eat and be merry is an integral part of the culture and I am no sociologist but I do think this uprooting the entire family to a plot along the shoreline once in a while is pretty symbolic of our culture as a whole.

If I were to simplify it (but hopefully not overgeneralize this too much) why we like hanging out at the beach so much can be explained in 3 reasons 1)Food. In Malay families, Food is King. (I have said this before..) Be it like the glorious (GLORIOUS) Nasi Rawan my grandmom packed individually for us, my mum's neatly packaged aglio olio or some makcik I saw bringing her periuk (pots) and rice cookers to the beach - in many ways eating together and eating homecooked food IS the malay culture.2) The sea breeze. Somehow, nothing says chillax more than the beach and the breeze. This notion of 'chillaxing' although is definitely not a universal trait all malays have is very much ingrained in the way we live. Nobody takes 'slow pace of living' ('santai' you know santai?) as seriously as we do & since modern Singaporean living gives no leeway for 'slow pace' (at all) I guess we all just have to make do with chillaxing during public holidays. 3) Space. So here is the deal. We have big families and I am sure there are many reasons why but I am not going to attempt to explain why. (This reminds me of my PS1101E tutorial where a sweetheart but bodoh chinese girl (bless her heart) said that Malays cannot save money because they dont use contraception. . . Rightttt?) So if we have big families we need space and if the we cannot use the perimeter of Singapore's shorelines WHERE ELSE CAN WE GO.

Do I think it's overwhelming and a little overbearing to see swamps of tents all over east coast park as I biked down today? Yes. Do I think some people who bring their television sets attached to generators (! ! !) and the makcik whom I saw washing her periuks and rice cookers beside her tent excessive? Hell yes,and I really wished they wouldn't do this. But I do love that as far as it shows - family is still hell of important. Important enough to share a tent with,to play rounds of bowling with and to eat food crouched down on a canvas mat hoping sand doesnt go inside this glorious nasi I am eating.

My mother always tries to get everyone in our family to go for picnics - she used to say that when she was growing up all her family outings were picnics or relaxing near the beach because they couldnt afford to go to 313 Somerset and spend frivolously on clothes (which is also coincidentally why she hates it when our dinner trips sporadically become shopping trips after dinner) We used to ALWAYS go on picnic trips when we were all younger. 'we' here referring to the immediate but extended family members - grandparents,maternal uncles/aunts and our cousins but as we grew older I guess everyone slips into their own compacted square of life and forget.

Today was great because almost everyone was there.Ate the abundant amount of food thanks to my mother and grandmother who always think 'MORE FOOD IS BETTER THAN HAVING NOT ENOUGH FOOD' which can also translate into 'POOR STARVING 3RD WORLD CHILDREN...' After which, we rented bicycles from the country club near - okay,I cheated. We didnt go to where the crowds were because we hate crowds (not people but crowds) so we went to the small strip of beach near NSRCC which my dad is a member of so we could use their facilities HAH. Thus bikes and consequent pathetic bike race ensues which was incredibly fun.

cousins doing their best instagram faces. also, that is my 23(!!!) year old cousin on a kid bike.

Again, instagrammy faces.

Afterwards we packed up and went bowling at the country club. Proceeded to key in evil names since I was the one incharge of that. Thus, CICI PSYKO was born and never has a more appropriate name been given to my immediate sister.

CICI PSYKO bowling rather haphazardly and being good at it. PHFT.

I suck at bowling by the by. I also suck at all sports known to man so this shouldn't come as a surprise.Played a little arcade after that which I also SURPRISE SURPRISE suck at. Honestly Suhaidah. What can you do. (I say this in the most happiest way possible guys)

Pa and the little notorious MONSTER asyurah with machine guns whilst I drank tea.

Whilst everybody else played machine guns, Daytona and what not. I, the world's most happening and fun cousin sat on the non moving kiddy ride and sipped cinammon tea - all wrapped up in a thick scarf because I was freezing - having been drenched by the rain before. YAY SO FUNNNNNNN~~~

Day well spent I would say. ALSO,WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME THIS POST IS ENTIRELY TOO LONG AND INDULGENT BLEAURGH.

Here have a picture of my adorable little brother climbing a tree.

Dell climbing a tree - smile-scared-ing.

On the Battlefront #7 : Funny women are always fabulous.

2012-01-15T08:46:00.000-08:00

Due to the expansion of my iBooks library,much of my time travelling to and fro school and work (Long commute forever,really) I have been happily reading Mindy Kaling's Is Everyone hanging out without me (& other concerns) and 2) Tina Fey's (hero) Bossypants. Both women are intelligent,extremely funny and A+ human beings all around. I have uncontrollably cackled literally out loud on several occasions in the bus and in tuition class waiting for the kids to arrive for a whole full minute. Funny women are always fabulous. This is what I have learnt from reading these 2 glorious books and generally only watching female-character driven comedies and talk shows. Refer : Parks & Recreation, 30 Rock, Ellen Show, Kathy Griffin on Anderson (fine,this is cheating..) Because I am delusional,I like to group myself with these fabulous women. "Oh,we funny girls have to stick together" " We're so awesome. The general straight male population are obviously delirious for not falling for our charms" etc etc. This is me giving myself too much credit for being hilarious because well I dont know - Dont hound me about this. If I cannot say I am funny I have nothing else and I truly believe God is fair so I AM FUNNY OK.

My point is : Both IEHOWM(&OC) and Bossypants are worthy reads which you should pick up if you have the time. I would say that Mindy's brief inter chapter 'guides/lists' are the best my favourite chapter is titled 'Non-traumatic things that have made me cry' In this chapter,I literally went wide-eyed and sat up from lying down when she talked about Mark Darcy in Bridget Jones because the exact scene she described is also my favourite and coincidentally is the part I replay the most and cry all the time. This is where I pretend Mindy Kaling (writer for the office also plays Kelly Kapoor) and me (struggling student,procrastinator,all around fml) are sisters (thus the made-up solidarity with "us funny girls..") Also, her perspective of marriage (Married people should step up their game) and on life and ambition is pretty quality. Here have a page!

Mindy on marriage.

I am not yet done with Bossypants so I will weigh in after I complete it but what can I say - if you have watched a single 30 rock episode or any skit on SNL that Tina Fey is on you would know that in the ranks of amazing funny girls she is the liz to all the lemons life gives us.

Also,special mention to the latest episode of parks and recreation and Goddess Amy Poehler because wow that episode was just insane. It's my 48th time watching,I still crouch down in fits.

DEAD.

Close your eyes/open your minds/let the butterflies in the pit of your stomach subside.

2012-01-09T07:53:00.000-08:00

Semester two is dawning upon us and whilst the wounds of last semester have turned into scabs,I am going to try my hardest not to pick on them. I am hoping by the time this sem ends,they'll be my proud battle scars.Onward,onward!

In other news,I bidded for theatre studies as a gem for 778 points (And it was the winning bid) BIG/SPENDER~~~~~

lol suhaidah what is wrong with you.

2012-01-03T11:18:00.000-08:00

My skin is horrible now I dont understand why because it's not supposed to be breakout period. Also,my lips are so dry and chapped it's freaking irritating.

Brb spamming lipbalm and hydrating myself so all them breakouts will go away. GO AWAY.

ps. yes I realise I look hideous (also,my fingers are so stubby lol)

Despite being okay with bidding so far,I am being plagued with timetable planning I cannot seem to make it work to my advantage. Also,I am as fickle as a pickle so up till NOW I still cannot decide which PS module I should drop. (PS2239:Foreign Diplomacy or PS2234:Intro to Comparative Politics) What makes my life more miserable is because I have yet to sit for my korean placement test and I dont know if I will be put into korean 1 or 2 because as much as I can understand/read hangul my grammar is all over the place so NOTHING IS CONCRETE.

Option 1 : get placed into korean 2 & take foreign dip

Option 2: get placed into korean 2 & take compol

Option 3: get placed into korean 1 and by extension have no choice but to take compol

Also,if it's not clear by now - I DO NOT HAVE A 4DAY SCHOOL WEEK. CREY FOREVA.
Granted my Mondays and Fridays are pretty breezy and on even weeks I dont need to be in school on Friday/It still wont be the same :'( I mourn for my last sem long weekends.

SIGH PIE.

A list for today/A list for tomorrow.

2011-12-31T13:09:00.000-08:00

Leslie knope inspired word/phrase cloud for 2011.

4 things for 2012.

Also,syaf made a stellar video chronicling what happened in 2011 in her signature quirky-kid way which I think is fantastic!

Happy new year bbs :)

On the battlefront #6 - Precious people.

2011-12-30T09:44:00.000-08:00

This week I have been meeting up with a bunch of precious people and this needs documentation.

9TH YTSC

Met up with this bunch of lovelies after 3 whole years.Relieved secondary school awkward/pretend to be grown up phases (..so.awkward but hilarious) These people knew me when I still had long hair (had a long hair phase) That puts things in perspective right.

lololol

I love this picture so much. Back then in secondary school these two people,Jarratt and Ain were in the Aesthetic and Publicity committee of the student council which I would like to say I ran.(I am allowed to brag on my own blog,right?) Basically,our entire working relationship IS this picture. I have to say, my facepalm face is actually really nice.

Princess Syara and her escorts.

Secret Santa with the loveliest Ann gang at FIKA (best place for big meetups,imo) after that. The lovely Ann has been organizing secret santa meetups since last year. They're pretty fun. Initially,when we got our secret santas (from a website afrah used I think it was secretsanta.com) me and khairiah were theorizing that there was a technical glitch because we both had the same secret santas from last year. But apparently,we just have really good coincidental power because everyone else was fine. A fine fine lunch. Best thing was Khairiah got Afrah a pair of socks so I spent the entire afternoon after that calling Afrah Jerry Gergich. (A+ if you know why) Caught up with everybody and everyone's growing up finely it's hard to imagine how insane we were when 13. The higher malay kids (me,khairiah,afrah aka jerry and true princess of genovia Syarafina) went to catch Sherlock after that.

Now let me tell you about Sherlock..

Literally me the whole time

Omg,that picture is really horrible but that is actually how I was.Having seen the first movie and swearing by it ever since, A game of shadows was like homecoming really. So Guy Ritchie really upped the ante on the bromance on this one and how can he not. Have you guys seen the chemistry between rdjesus and jude law? If chemistry was food,they could feed an entire continent..forever. Although I like Mark Strong's villain Lord Blackmoor of the first movie more because he was legit scary looking, it's a pretty worthy sequel. Guy Ritchie's sequences are amazing. I watched the movie after only sleeping for 2 hours the night before so I was scared I would want to sleep -thus buying a cuppa before going on- but the caffeine was dully not needed because it was exciting through and through. If you have not watched this or the first movie - watch both now.

GBC + PGC minus Ern coz she was taking this!

Siam Kitchen with the GBC+ PGC. I honestly dont know why these names have stuck hahaaha.I think they're all Ranice's brainchildren. I think it's great though because when the boys have children in the future I will be the first one to tell them (the moment they can speak) that their dads were in Gay Boys Club aka a club where a bunch of gay but not really gay boys met up with pretty girls every once in a while to talk about girls stuff they cannot keep up with (but try anyways) & PGC is perfect because then we can tell our children in the future that we were in a pretty girls club which is a club where the nation nominated the prettiest girls (inside and out) to join the club and we were all scouted in MJC...What,I am not beyond lying to my future kids so they have a more flawless image of me.

Also,Shubaa drove me,Ruohan and Jarratt for supper at mcdonals at 1am yesterday. It PAINS me we do not have a recent picture together. Late night talks are particularly great I think. The best thing was I was being shuttled with a car,I like this feeling. Jarratt says he'll pick me up from tuition when he gets his license. Now that I have recorded this down online,YOU CAN NEVER TURN BACK JARRATT.

Wow,with this I have just proved myself how many precious people I am surrounded with. I am now overcome with warmth. Really. I am blessed very much so.

I am crying because my heating system broke down.

2011-12-25T09:10:00.000-08:00

This song and how he sings it I am beyond lost for words. (English subs at your disposal)

This past week I have been at my most disgusting lowest. So I watched a lot of romantic comedies and variety shows, hid under my covers,avoided talking to my parents,avoided thinking really. Then I watched the ceiling fan move until I couldn't tell whether it was moving or I was and then fell asleep. Melodramatic right. Yes very. The thing is although I cannot think of rational ways to justify why I felt like how I did,I am not going to belittle my sadness. Normally around this time in an indulgent paragraph such as this one I would already have 3rd person talked myself out of this ridiculousness. "Suhaidah,what is wrong with you? People are dying and starving and here you are crying about grades" But I wont now because the truth is I am an immature brat and my sadness is extremely superficial. There is nothing else really. Maybe as I grow older and wiser or whatever I will be more accepting of my mediocrity or learn to be truly happy for my friends and their successes. Maybe I will lapse into being comfortable with what I can and cannot achieve. But for now,I am going to continue to wade in this shallow pool of immaturity - which for now,is okay. I am not beyond being pathetic and I am not beyond being good enough for my own expectations.This is fine,really. If anything,the intense wallowing I have been doing has taught me it's okay to exist with insane flaws that you dont know how to work on.

Merry Christmas everybody :)

Putting people on pedestals.

2011-12-19T12:24:00.000-08:00

RDJESUS

Pedestal Level : uh,we are talking about rdjesus. How high do you think?
Why? : Hollywood glitz aside,he just comes of as an A+ human being with an A+++ sense of humour. He and Susan are one of the FEW reasons I still believe true love exists. Look at them! Beyond precious. Also, not only is he iron-effing-man, he is also Sherlock effing Holmes and considering both of these characters are my favourite superhero and favourite criminal genius respectively, his pedestal is pretty high.

Pedestal Level : higher now than it's ever been.
Why? : It's actually pretty funny because I have never liked GD as much as I like him now. Maybe it took an insanely blown-up scandal (a few puffs from the green magic dragon heh) but I think I get him more now. hey he grew up in the industry he's bound to be a little wild - WHICH IS FINE.I've seen him perform 3 times now and it doesn't get any better than GD live. He radiates stage presence and especially during Big Show you can see how much he appreciates the fans and the support. I have been listening to his solo songs again these days and I am realizing Heartbreaker wasn't as mediocre as I initially thought it was. I was pretty disappointed when it initially came out but listening to the album now, aside from 'heartbreaker' that song is (still) atrocious! the other songs I actually really really like.

Won Bin

Pedestal Level : Beyond humanly levels.
Why? : I am convinced he's not even human. He is probably an angel sent down by God to show us what humans cannot be. Whenever wonbin appears on news articles or when he appears in a new commercial,people are all 'How is he human???' Well,he's not. He can't be. Such perfection simply cannot exist. See for yourselves!

FAVOURITE COMMERCIAL EVER./squeal.
It's ridiculous! I feel like I am watching a movie and suddenly after 50 seconds I realize it's about canned coffee. RIDICULOUS. YOU CANNOT CHEAT MY FEELINGS LIKE THAT.

Needles in your face,pleasure in your base.

2011-12-16T10:50:00.000-08:00

Sher-lowe.

A) How attractive is this man. No,really. Rob Lowe is literally one of THE most attractive people the world has ever seen. B)Cannot wait for Sherlock 2 Next week(!!!!)

DEAD

A) Just finish catching up to speed with Parks & Recreation. I have abdominal cramps from literally crackling for 48 hours. B) Leslie Knope for President. Normally,there is a limit to how much I like heroines of tv shows but Leslie is by FAR my favourite character/woman/goddess.

Minimizing Muses @ 3am

2011-12-14T12:09:00.000-08:00

These days my restlessness is becoming more pertinent. If you could peak into my brain,if somehow thoughts were tangible,I imagine my brain space to be filled with many many random holes in clusters like the ceiling of Orchard Ion or the holes in a beehive or like a swarm of ants congregating over a carcass. (my fingers are shuddering as I type this. Those who know me enough know that clusterfucks like the images I described are one of my biggest weakness. I.cannot.stand. seeing so many holes together like that I feel the biggest urge to scrub/scratch/dig out these holes clean but at the same time I also feel like barfing and my skin feels like its retreating inwards when I see these ..holes.. All in all,very traumatic) But my point is - it feels like my mind is in a bigger mess than normal so at 2am I decided I have to scrub it clean (if this makes any sense) So I started with my table which hasn't seen the light of day since finals ended.

Semester Uno

Packed away the tremendous amount of course materials in a daiso box feeling a little scared to touch them because it felt like the unfamiliarity will seep through the papers to my fingers reminding me yet again of how infinitely afraid I am of results next week. I genuinely am afraid but that's for another day to stomach.

Before

Worked on my muse board next. I dont know why or how or when exactly but when I was looking at it at 12am I decided I didn't like it anymore. Very very suddenly,it became all very ugly. Although I still hold the same amount of affection for the people on the pictures,the colours and the post-its and the clutter just became jarring and extremely overwhelming. So I took everything off -

During

Realized during the process how absolutely battered my table is. I have a very bad track record at abusing my study tables.Scratches,angry marker marks for when 'URGH.WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT I DONT UNDERSTAND ANYTHING!!!1!!1' Poor table.

After

This is what I mean when I said I had to scrub it clean. Of course,I really really like it. Everytime I re-do my board I am convinced I love it and will love it forever. (re : this post) But as always my fickle heart can decide I hate it suddenly. For now at least, I am in love.

Closeups! -

Won Bin & Moon Geun yeong for Basic House

Top to Bottom : Top in a navy suit,GREAT concert postcard,PGC,Huck P

Perfect Man for Basic House

Just so you know, I got the Basic House pictures from it's amazing amazing fall 2011 catalogue. This catalogue which I took (stole,is a bit much ok) at the Robinsons member's sale a few weeks back. It was the highlight of the sale for me - that and the bag I got at an insane price. I took the Winter 2011 catalogue too.Aside from Wonbin, I loved all the clothes from both collections (no serious,I would actually legit buy them if Singapore was seasonal !WHY EQUATOR WHY!) The Basic House at Robinsons stores wasn't too bad too. They didn't have the full range but my sister bought a clean cut flanel and a really cute green cardi (WITH.ELBOW.PADS) Moral of the story is - F/W wear is golden & F/W are the best seasons go suck on it,summer.

Basic House catalogue

I cleaned my room generally too and put on clean new sheets. I even brought up one of the dehumidifiers from downstairs because I felt the very urgent need to breathe in clean air. Not that the existing air isn't clean but I dont know la,sometimes I get like this. I cannot explain it and I am sure this happens to everyone - this uneasiness of heart,this egging feeling of toxicity creeping in my veins. I think that's about right. I needed to detoxify my mind and my insides I guess. Dont know if I am making any sense but I am not articulate enough to explain in a way that it does.

Tomorrow I am getting my hair cut.

On the battlefront #5 - Oh happy holidays.

2011-12-13T09:14:00.000-08:00

I realize my blog posts and blog largely reflect my current state of mind. This is the reason why the widths of my blog columns sporadically change and sometimes I don't blog for a really long time or for no apparent reason I rearrange the alignment of older posts (why right?).. I wished I had an over-arching reason why I am so godamn restless but I do not. So here have instead LISTS WITH PICTURES. (BEST)

What I have been watching recently :-


Parks & Recreation : Leslie Knope's robot speaker voice face "Andy.. Dwire.."

Khairiah,Jarratt & Ern have been watching Parks forever and it was about time I tried watching it too considering these people have insane tv-taste. Season 1 was okay considering the aforementioned people especially khairiah who TEXTED me (this is pretty big) to ask me not to judge it on season 1 because it gets progressively better. I am almost done with Season 2 right now and it is safe to say it's friggin highlarious. Also,despite his beyond.annoying. voice,I actually really like Aziz Ansari. He's like perpetually on helium Idk what it is and his eyes kinda go crazy sometimes but it works.

Running Man

I mooched off my sister's collection of Running Man episodes into my hardisk this week and so far all I get is night after night of laughing till my funny bone (is there one) feels like it's going to disappear or like my stomach is going to grow abs (HAR) from all the crunched down LOL-ing. I swear. The captures above show a 190cm man hiding in a garbage can and realizing he is stuck. I dont know how else to explain how funny this is. You have to watch and know how unknowingly hilarious this guy is. & I know it's pretty darn late to be 'into' running man but it's.still.funny!

What I have been doing :-

Cycling with PGC sans Ranice

I spent yesterday with my idea of the best company.Cycling at east coast instead of shopping (which we did afterwards for a while,but still..) Because I am convinced the bicycle uncle hates me,he gave me a faulty-ish bike - the chains went loose so I had to adjust them (getting my hand dirty with grease) and once the handle covers let loose and I had strange grey goo on me. I had to remind myself constantly not to touch my face or shirt..but because I am me I ended getting grease on my shirt anyways. CONGRATULATIONS SUHAIDAH~~~! There's a whole lot more to say but since literally almost everyone of these girls have blogged about this already and they are far more articulate than me or better still you there,reading - are probably one of them anyways! (ern..are you there?) Go read their versions!

We also celebrated Connie's birthday. Happy birthday @likeaconzzz! Hope you like our 'frienship is magik' kake (cake) With that,everyone in the PGC has turned GASP almost twenty. Wow,growing old. Speaking of this, I was explaining 'acute' to my secondary 2 kids in tuition the other day and I referenced SARS but they were like 'what's that h1n1???' It amazes me that the first medical epidemic they remember experiencing is h1n1. Speaking of teaching...


lol I didnt want to jump right into talking about work without a picture and I dont have a picture of me working...so this.

I started teaching last week. This being my attempt at sustaining an income throughout university. I have 6 classes which is a little bit more than I bargained for so I hope I can hold it up. I actually like teaching but the travelling to and fro is what worries me. I know I know, get a damned license but believe it or not the idea of me on the roads still scares me. The positive side is with all the classes I'll be earning enough to sustain travelling by myself and also all the shopping that I do so that's GREAT! A+ SUHAIDAH! (Why do I feel like this post is having too many 3rd person references)

What I am looking forward to :- (no pictures because uh..they have not happened?)

School. I know I ALWAYS DO THIS and regret the moment semester starts but this time I feel like I know my way around more (well at least I hope) and I just want to master how to 'work the system' as fast as possible. If I can,I'll be extensively calmer aka not a massive wreck ala finals week of sem 1 and this calmness is probably the thing I PRAY I will meet (other than an amazing future doctor/lawyer/perfect husband) this sem.
PAY DAY. It has started again. During my first job I loved the thrill of pay day/pay week & THIS THRILL,I WELCOME YOU HOME WITH OPEN ARMS~~~
Big Show 2012. I know it's too early to be thinking I can/will be able to go again next year but I didn't manage to go on a holiday with friends this break and if I save enough of my salary I can scrape to 5 days in Seoul so here is me PRAYING I can see Bigbang and Seoul again. You.guys.dont.AH.

I guess that is all. I dont suppose you can call my holidays very 'happening' but for what it's worth I'd rather spend my holidays just taking things really (and I mean,really - wake up at 3pm slowly) Also,my life isn't very 'happening' in the first place and I don't really wish to rectify that so here! Have a picture of a Won Bin postcard I got at MAMA instead!

Aiyo.why so handsome!

It's Kind of a Funny story.

2011-12-05T07:47:00.000-08:00

Watched this on my ipad yesterday night before going to bed (in Bintan where I have been the past weekend but that for a later post!) I downloaded it because of Zach Galifianakis (how can I not) but it resonated a lot more than I thought it would.

The 'I want you to watch this later' gist of it is : This boy named Craig admits himself to the Adult psychiatric ward because he's suicidal thoughts have been becoming more real,more tangible. There's nothing really wrong about his life. There is no obvious reason why he feels depressed just a million of small tiny glitches that culminates into a lot of stress and anxiety. So the whole movie is about Craig's week in the psych ward where he meets Bobby (Galifianakis - who is always great) and other wired people. Oh yes,he also meets this girl Noelle (Emma Roberts .__.) who I guess has a pretty name? (Help me out here people)

I think the reason I like this as much as I do (and if it was not clear enough,I like it a lot) is because I think he (Craig) perfectly sums up in a slightly bigger way the quiet,undercurrent sadness I and we all (I am going to go on a whim here and say 'we all') feel.I am not quite sure how to explain it but sometimes I feel lousy for no reason at all. It's not because of anything particular like Craig says "I wished I had a simple answer for why I am depressed." - I can't tell you why I sometimes feel lousy or feel like I am in an alanis morisette-y grungy music video where the whole world is against me. (cue rain storms in the desert..) The thing about falling into lapses of sadness because of nothing (and everything) is that it's not something you can talk to your parents or really, even with your closest friends about because once you say it out it sounds so ridiculous and to be quite honest- really really lame. Everything I feel just becomes really trivial & if i try to express it becomes "urgh,grow up suhaidah children are starving & here you are feeling horrible about nothing" In this movie, with Craig (in a slightly disproportionate way)I feel "FINALLY SOMEONE.GETS.ME" and the times I felt incredibly ridiculous for falling into lapses of sadness becomes a little less ridiculous.So... I think what I am trying to get at in a very very inarticulate and long winded (character flaw) way is it feels good to know that my sadness that rises up to the surface from time to time isn't as insignificant as I think. It felt good and if anything,movies should make you feel good.

So watch this if you have not already.

MAMA 2011 (IN POINT FORM)

2011-11-30T10:26:00.000-08:00

What I loved :-

Dynamic Duo performing live in front of my eyes. I am pretty certain I was the only one going legit for DoubleD alone. In the ranks of hip-hop musicians of my heart, Gaeko & Choiza are up there with Epik high. They're probably the second hiphop group I started listening to so yes,I was STOKED. The performance in itself,I didn't love as much because Friday Night was lost in between YB's riff and Simon's daengdaengdaeng verse. I wished they had more air time but alas,I stand alone in this. Also,they didnt perform the bridge to Friday Night IT'S MY FAVOURITE!
Dreamboats aka them fine,fine,FINE specimens of men. If MAMA did anything right,it was the goddamn korean freshness that night. All my dreamy ahjusshi crushes REPRESENT all night! Dreamboat #1 Lee Byung hun? Man doesnt have any flaws. He also does not age. #2 Oh Ji Ho? Tall,dark so goddamn handsome. #3 Kim Sung Soo? Precious. #4 Go Soo? too dreamy cannot tank. #5 Ji Sung? QT. (ok,Jisung's not an ahjusshi. but still.)
Our seats were pretty nice. They were the cheapest but the indoor stadium is so small we could see everything clearly still. We got them at cost price eventhough it was sold out because I managed to find this NUS girl who had exams on the day (poor girl)
Baek Jiyoung was just my favourite woman the whole night. Her look was timeless & it helps that I think she is the most prettiest person ever. She won two awards which unlike many other awards, I thought was just because uh,her songs are legit amazing.Other than that perhaps my blatant bias towards her is because her boyfriend is this gorgeous model/actor who is like 9 years younger than her. 3 words : GET IT GURRRL.
CL & BeP's joint for Where is the Love. This needs no explanation. CL freaking killed it. You can say a lot of things about cl,yg blah blah but you cannot.CANNOT. (even if you love snsd or whatever) deny that girl has presence. As much as MAMA wants to project itself as ~Asian unity~ (whatever this means. Refer : PS1101E lecture 12), I think this is the only stage that's worthy of international status. This girl has spunk and she knows how to show it. I am way proud.

What I didn't like :-

The lack of Big Bang. 2011 hasn't been the best year for my babies but hey gotta give the mice chances to play top dog once in a while right? (I am an elitist fangirl.Why?)
The lackluster performances. Some stages I thought were great like Suju & the girl ferayking out when siwon suddenly sat beside her. (HER FACE!) Ooh Lala session performance was ridiculously good too. Gave me chills. But the rest was just bland. I love 2ne1 but I felt like I was waiting for something BIG to happen but it didn't. Some of them was just blatantly cringeworthy. Miss A and that flamboyant (get it boi) chinese dude dancing to 'KungFu Fighting.' REALLY NOW? Let's all do kungfu like all asian people do. Very smart.
Not that me saying this will change anything. Everyone and their grandmoms know that the awards in MAMA are more political than Singapore's general elections.

What the flying fuck :-

Snoop Dogg & Dre. Just to be clear,I freaking loved that stage. Give me some 'drop it like it's hot' anyday. I like hiphop so it was all good for me (unlike all the dainty girl groups who looked so painfully awkward when they were trying to groove to snoop. "OH LET'S ALL PRETEND WE LOVE HIPHOP mnet paid a whole lot of money to get snoop/dre here..") Also,what in the randomosity is this anyway? does anybody not see how random and arbitary this is? MAMA,Snoop Dogg,Dr. Dre. (WHAT LINK WHAT LINK) Nonetheless,it was freaking enjoyable Snoop Dogg I actually really like.
Hyuna & Hyunseng. I am pretty sure I am going to get flake for saying this but it is the truth. That 'kiss' was so awkward it was like seeing the sexy girl kiss her flamboyant gay BBF. AND I AM NOT SAYING HYUNSENG IS GAY CALM YO'SELVES DOWN. (even if he was,it would be a-okay) all I am saying is - shit was awkward.

Oh MAMA producers,were you trying to recreate this?

This is how it's done babies. This is how it is done.

All in all, it was pretty okay. Which is definitely not what an award show that claims to be the 'IN-ALL' of asian music should be. I dont know what some people are thinking when they said it 'exceeded expectations' I think the production was well done - lights,effects all the prop shazam bam bam were all really good and mnet put on a great show..but the collaborations,special stages are nowhere near how it was circa MKMF 08 and earlier.

Okay,by now it feels like I have been drabbling in fangirl territory for far too long. Yuding and Ruohan caught me reading my own tweets the other day and they thought it was the weirdest thing ever.I actually like to read my own tweets/blog posts. I read them regularly. Heck,I read and then re-read them because I like to hear and see my thoughts out on the screen. I dont think it's a particular strange quirk but I just like having whatever sense of tangibility I can hold on to because I always feel my feelings and thoughts are too fleeting for my own good. ~ANYWAYS~ my point in saying all this is - this post may be entirely too long and disgustingly too fandom-oriented for anybody to actually read, but I'm writing it coz I want to read.

On the battlefront #4 - Semester's over.

2011-11-29T11:19:00.000-08:00

This in itself is overdued. Semester was technically over on Friday but I have been catching up with my boyfriend the past few days. I cannot get enough of him. We spend all our days and nights together. Never before have I ever wished to be a clingy lover but the past few weeks with goddamn finals I have been so deprived I just cannot help it. By cling I mean cling to my pillows and by boyfriend I mean the personification of Sleep...because let's face it my love life has not been awake for a long time. (I mean every pun in this sentence. I mean it)


Top : 1a) Starbucks all day everyday 1b)Connie making herself at home at *$ 1c) Bane of my life aka EC1101E Bottom : 2a) TOP for Bazaar (NO REASON WHY THIS IS HERE CEPT FOR THE ONLY REASON THAT MATTERS - IT IS BEAUTIFUL) 2b) Qt chinese boy in chinese movie.

Let's see now -

Pre-finals was just painful. So painful. Daily camping at Starbucks (COUNTLESS,I MEAN BURN-A-HOLE-IN-WALLET toffee nut lattes/skinny caramel macchiatos) trying to digest the mountain load of course materials all accumulated over a semester of "I think I know,but I have no idea" Stress buildup so fast and furiously I think at one time my older brother teasingly smacked the back of my neck as a joke & I legitly broke down. "ABANG.WHY.*SOBSOB* SO.*SOB*FUCKING.IRRITATING*SOBSOB*" Me and stress was not pretty. The daily misery troop at school was a big upside though. Studying everyday was a big existential crisis waiting to happen but thankfully I have a few other people to commiserate being miserable with. & if that's not the answer to our existential dilemma - I dont know what is. At the end of the day,we just need to know that we're not alone. In happiness and (especially) in misery. (EXISTENTIAL CRISIS - SOLVED. ACHEIVEMENT UNLOCKED. SO WHEN DO I GET MY DEGREE IN LIFE?)
Post-finals has been full of great things! which I will list down because..I can.

Shopping with my future income in mind - ridiculous? I say forward looking.
Sleeping with Sleep.
Chinese movie with ruohan. (It's called 'you are the apple of my eye' but calling it chinese movie gives it the alienating effect I feel being the only non-chinese person in the cinema.It was a great feeling. Very liberating,I felt very modern. HAH)
MAMA 2011 with ruohan too. - this will have a post of it's own. We all know when it comes to korean award shows I just.cannot.shut up.
Bintan this weekend I cannot wait! I have been stocking up my ipad with games to play. Lazing around the beach/at the villa..my ipad and me. HOW GREAT WILL THIS BE. & no,it does not appear strange to me at all that I feel excited to hang out with an inanimate object.

TTFN, I will be back with my mama post when I have energy zomg.

I take self-reflexive to another goddamn level.

2011-11-12T08:30:00.000-08:00

No energy to confront my inner demons today. blatant overcompensation,loneliness and mediocrity I will deal with you tomorrow.It is so tragically hilarious that I am able to identify all my darkest pitfalls and still dont know what to do about them.

Let's add 'spoiled brat' in there too. I know perfectly well I have nothing to feel lousy about and yet I still am.

On the battlefront #3

2011-11-08T11:10:00.000-08:00

I finished the first season of Suits. It was amazing. The fandom is a little over enthusiastic about this Mike/Harvey bromance which is always welcoming eventhough I officially ship Harvey/Donna or even better, Harvey/Me. Also,watching suits has made me decide to stick to the "Harvard" method of referencing for my essays. I know there is absolutely no coherent or logical link. But it makes me feel like I am affliated with Harvard Law School and by extension Harvey Specter. (yeah,I am pretty deluded)
Whopper Incident of 2011 (or so Ern affectionately names it) It's a pretty fantastic story. Basically,I went to meet the girls to do some studying in school on a public holiday (GASP.) STUDENTS OF THE YEAR RIGHT? no WRONG. Apparently in NUS,nobody understands the concept of public holidays so the entire UTOWN (which is great) was filled to the brim with 'eager minds' Anyways,since I was the latest I went to get lunch for all of us from Clementi mall. I got myself a whopper meal like always. I had to lug all the food back to campus and it was a lot of hard work okay. When we were finally going to eat - I couldn't find my whopper (!!!!!!!!!) & then comes the awkward part where I went 'apeshit' angry because 'that bitch forgot my burger(!!!)' and my wonderful friends saw my true beastial self finally after 3 years of frienship. This was followed by an uncomfortable and awkward (for them) silence by which they meekly tried to offer me their lunch whilst I raged. It was CLASSIC. Their FACES. I give myself Troll award of the year. But honestly,I was legit angry...because of a burger. Which on hindsight is really stupid but what? I was so hungry I could eat a village.
Oh yes. The bulk of my thoughts,worries,troubles,time etc etc has been spent on writing/re-writing/editing/re-writing two essays - 1 for lit (which we got back today & I got an A- HOORAH!) and 1 for pol science which I handed up today (praying it goes well) Writing essays is no ordinary feat. Being stuck is the worst thing that happens. 'Why don't my thoughts appear coherent?' 'Why cant I type what's in my head?' 'What was I thinking about again?? WHY THE HELL ARE MY BRILLIANT IDEAS SO FLEETING?!' It's all very depressing. So the fact that I managed to get through 3 university essays thus far is pretty great. I have another 2500 word one due in 3 weeks.SIGHPIE. (FYI,that picture of Anderson Cooper contemplating is just to beautify my screenshot. Sexy fox that he is)
Over the hari raya haji weekend,I went to my grandparents house. There I was reminded again of how amazing they are and how much I love them. They have the cutest bickering relationship ever - complete with eye-rolling and disagreement on which characters are evil on tv. We talked about Mecca & Haj and the gold olden days which they love so much. My grandfather reminded me of my faith. Reminded me that God was with me all the way and that seeking solace in Him will make life easier. He thought me a new prayer and I recorded it on my ipad (which he proceeded to marvel at) You know,it's very easy for me to lapse into taking my grandparents for granted - it's one of the things I hate about myself. I underestimate how much comfort and peace they provide and exude. Being around them is all kinds of good energy and love & I need to make more effort at being a better granddaughter.
I am currently obsessed with these three records : Mad Clown's Anything Goes EP , Huckleberry P's Man in Black EP (how insane is that album cover) & Tablo's new album 'Fever's End'
Mad Clown's EP is by far my favourite right now. I have been waiting a really long time for him to make a substantial record and it does no dissappoint. He has the raspiest rap voice and INSANE flow - it is to die for!
Essay writing + Studying all day everyday means almost daily offerings of Iced Toffee Nut Lattes. Honestly,there is nothing more satisfying than a cup of toffee nut. How I will miss it when Christmas brew season is over.

Thus ends a post that is too long for it's own good~

Fictional men on tv : ruining real men for womankind since tv happened aka a ..really.. long time.

2011-11-06T09:01:00.000-08:00

Harvey Specter - Suits
Life ruiner meter : X X X X
Why? He graduated 5th in his class at Harvard Law School. He integrates quotes from movies in daily speak. He wins cases,always. He is so goddamn self-assured it is the most sexy thing ever. Also, he wears $12000 suits. (All day everyday 24/7) Case closed (HAH!)

Choi Han Kyul - Coffee Prince (If you thought there wasnt going to be an asian person here.. )
Life ruiner meter : X X X
Why? Because he thought he was gay when he started feeling feelings for this girl pretending to be a man (not the brightest bulb out there,I admit) & he was hilarious when he was trying SO hard to fight his attraction because he didnt think he was actually gay. (He went to the hospital legit... & The doctor gave him pills. HAHA. SERIOUSLY) After all that trouble he decides he doesn't care if eunchan (the said girl) was a boy and he was going to disregard all social stigma to be with her ... AND THEN SHE TELLS HIM SHE'S A WOMAN (GASP) Also,he is about the most precious character I have ever seen.He also comes with paternity issues - the best kind of flawed kdrama hero really.

Robb Stark - Game of Thrones
Life ruiner meter : X X X X X
Why? First of all,that face.Secondly, he is the King of the North so everything you say is insignificant. Also,there's a lot of buzz in the fandom because a lot of people seem to think Robb isnt as significant as the other characters. Especially because he isnt a POV character but he's my favourite character. I love this 'boy trying to grow up faster than he should - putting on a brave front- when he's actually pretty vulnerable and human' character SO much. I dont know,he may not be as complex as the other characters and GRRM definitely didnt give him room to develop more ( TEARS ) but I think I may want his babies. Also,Richard Madden who plays Robb is absolutely perfect.

Cateye/Getting my shit tgt (trying to)/Cateye

2011-10-30T09:51:00.000-07:00

Midnight MYOHMYOHMY : Anderson Cooper

2011-10-29T10:57:00.000-07:00

This instantaneously makes my night/day/life better.That laugh! Anderson Cooper is so attractive.I honestly think he is beyond sexy. Did I mention he majored in Political Science in Yale. & he single handedly saved a little boy during the Haiti earthquake. Also,he spent a year after college in Vietnam,learning VIETNAMESE. Basically,if you wiki-ed him you will fall in love too. SO GODDAMN PERFECT.

Kelly Ripa is highlarious she really is. "Take it all off. I want to see you nekkid." PAHAHAHA. Also,how friggin precious is Anderson or asI like to call him Mr 'silver sexy fox' Cooper when he does that "beep-boo-beep-boo-boo-boo dialing thing @ 0:34. SO.FREAKING.PRECIOUS. (ah,my heart cannot tank.)

Sexy silver fox thanks you for your time

On the battlefront #2

2011-10-26T08:30:00.000-07:00

Okay,this may just be a regular thing.

1. Due to my uncontrollable spending habits the past few months since (and before) school started I have finally reached the "single-digit-bank-account" stage. I cannot say I didnt see it coming. Ranice & I are officially 2 BROKE GIRLS. In this case,I am defnitely Kat Dennings & Ranice is that blonde girl. If you dont know what I am talking about go watch the first episode it is HIGHLARIOUS. Poverty has been alright - Syaf gave me her instant win small fries <3. Maybe it's a psychological problem but having $8 in my bank account has not stopped me from online browsing/going on tripadvisor looking at holidays etc etc Ironically,being poor has spurred my inclination to spend. Like being filthy rich, being incredibly poor also means in a slightly askewed way : MONEY IS NO MATTER.

2. obligatory school mention~ That being a screenshot of my Evernote app.credit going to jemmawei who told me about it! (The app is great btw,I use it everyday on my mac/ipad) This week has been grueling.I've been typing so much my wrists dig in into the edges of my macbookpro and leaving linear dents. Okay,it's not as morbid as it sounds but yes,typing ~forever~ this week. I am 98% done with Literature and 45% done with political science although I have not started on my second crime essay but I'd say not too bad. Not bad at all.

3. Khairiah's been watching Suits for a while and I finally watched the first 3 episodes this week. Khairiah being khairiah has great tv taste - the show is smart and sexy. I was sold the moment Harvey Specter crooned into my screen.All harvard cockiness & "look at me I am sexy as fuck" of him. THERE IS NO TURNING BACK.

// 4. This week because of news that nsync met up for Chris' birthday I went into a nsync flashback frenzy.When I was 9 or in Primary 3, I was in love with JC (only because initially everyone liked Justin and I wanted to like the underdog) Nsync's no strings attached cd was the first ever cd I bought by myself and I would spend HOURS on my discman (YEAH,I WAS ONE OF THE COOL KIDS WHO HAD A DISC MAN IN PRIMARY 3) singing aloud the lyrics with the lyric book in hand. I think I used it so much it tore. What? I REGRET NOTHING. & Anyways,Justin Timberlake is still hot he was such a qt back then but sigh can we just remind ourselves of him in the Gone video please? SO HOT. When it came out and Justin & Britney broke up my cousin told me it was because Britney was jealous of the girl who was frolicking with Justin in that video. I believed her. (maybe still do)

Saturday Stimulus : MVs.

2011-10-22T02:59:00.000-07:00

GD&TOP Baby Goodnight. I really really like this music video. It's packed with symbols the lit student in me is dying. I realise it's a korean music video but this is too well made to be judged based on the gimmicky standards of pop music videos. The colouring for one is really nice.

Leessang - I turned the TV off
So quirky. I love this music video it's my quintessential korean indie mv. It's funny because the song is essentially about 'can I please get some tonight?'but all 'em carnal desires is hidden under this really precious melody and the music video is exactly that - precious. Genius,really.

Verbal Jint - You look good
You have to watch this with the subs,itll make much more sense. The entire song pans out when the main character is waiting for the traffic light to change it's pretty great.One of my favourites especially since it shocks the socks out of me nearing the end. (Watch!) Also,this one has so much of Verbal brooding in a car. It's really funny.

TOP - Turn it up.
Dropping swag left,right center.honestly though,this music video is so crisp and stylized it's a visual treat. (TOP is also a treat) watch 3:06 and be amazed at the extent of top's dancing capabilities. PAHA.Also,this song is one of 'em songs where when listening to it makes you instantaneously BADASS. Like here I am picking out books from the library - turn it up comes on my ipod - dang,bruh I am the baddest motherfucker in this book joint~!

Midweek Muse : Top

2011-10-19T10:17:00.000-07:00

Top (L-R) : W Nov 2011,High Cut Vol.44,Vogue Korea May 2010

Bottom (L-R) : GQ Korea March 2011, Calvin Klein Jeans '2011, Elle Korea August 2010

I sporadically compiled all my favourite shots from all of TOP's spreads over the years.This was after the outburst of euphoria after November issue of W was revealed. I am convinced this man is beyond perfect. Having this on my blog makes having to wake up at 8 tomorrow for school and the 2 essays I have yet to write so much more bearable.

Oh and yes,you are welcome.

Perhaps I am an island.

2011-10-16T12:16:00.000-07:00

Today I find comfort in the cliched happy endings of korean dramas.

Tonight,I avoid confronting everything and anything.

Just one more episode. Just one.

On the battlefront #1.

2011-10-15T13:31:00.000-07:00

So I am going to try and condense all my updating since I rarely have the time or the energy (or the commitment ohmygod) to blog a few days once. This way at least some documentation will actually happen and I wont be just existing which Oscar Wilde says people do most of the time. Which is not desirable no,no.

1. The PGC + GBC celebrated Jemmawei & my birthdays at FIKA on my birthday. It was very lovely and turning 19/Almost 20 isnt as bad as it sounds. I dreaded it for awhile but honestly,birthdays dont change anything. You wake up one morning thinking 'Ok,I am older. Better get my shit together' but by afternoon you are back into the comfort of your flaws that you promised to work on. I am blessed (so blessed) to have such great friends and an amazing family who willingly accept my flaws and ugly photobooth pictures. The Huamin Trio (wu,ding & mitch) 'surprised' me on the midnight of my birthday which was so so so sweet. But considering we've been surprising each other for our birthdays for the past 3 years - the element of 'OHMYGOD YOU GUYS' has worn off but I love them anyways. Honestly,who has friends who willingly give up the last bus just to talk about nothing till 3am?

2.Recently we met up with the dynamic duo of MJ aka the best literature teachers around for pancakes @epicurious. I am reminded again why literature lectures were my favourite parts of JC. I think I laughed till my jaw locked honestly,when you put the best company and pancakes together you get highlarity that is off the charts. It's really,really comforting to know that even if everyone's going off in a myriad of directions,we can converse like we're still confined in the padded walls of LT3 and the blue washed buildings of Meridian.

3. Pa got me an IPAD2 for my birthday which is pretty dope. (My birthday presents this year are all dope.PGCGBC got me & Jem chanel lipstick ow yeah +1 birkin carrying career woman ambition!) I named it Robb after Robb Stark but I may change it to something else because now everytime it syncs I think about the /red wedding/ and feel my heart sink. I am not sure what I should name it now. I am fairly obsessed with it though. I play fruit ninja with a vengeance & that picture up there is my Maserati on Asphalt6. Being not really game-inclined my whole life, it pleases me to no end that I am actually getting better. Seriously. Also,I watch all my shows on the train journey to school now. Once I was watching Downton Abbey this uncle next to me was so engrossed he looked a little disappointed when I alighted.

4. On the school front, it's just been PEAK PERIOD these past two weeks. Midterms,essay deadlines and project submissions pound on my brain like an irritating constant beat on a loud pop song.I try to take it one assignment at a time but it's all too fast too furious. If you don't multi-task there's no way you'll get anything done right. This I think is the essence of university life. Yes,multi-tasking and drinking coffee like a madman. Wow,I think I just figured tertiary education out. Currently I have 2 essays on hold & a whole lot of economics to catch up on.Not fun at all.This is why I make a point to shop every week to reward myself for mere survival.Unfortunately,this too has repercussions I would rather not discuss. (in other words, oh my gah where the hell did all my money go.)

I think that's everything. I might make this regular but as always I am fleeting with my decisions (yet another character flaw) so we will see.

Here,comes a cold.

2011-10-15T11:51:00.000-07:00

Being sick makes me feel like so;

Yeah,all sepia-ish and everything. I am listening to my saddest playlist by the way. All John Mayor, Brown Eyes,취중진담 and all of Epik High's depressing songs. O' the melancholy!

Okay,it's not that bad but I do think I am the worst kind of sick person. I tend think that if I eat all my medication at once and then sleep when I wake up I will feel immediately well. When it does not happen,I take another round of medication and sleep. I literally try to sleep the sickness away. Which is a direct contrast from my mother who is sick but fights it to get better. Also, I whine. a lot. So you will see instances where I get my little brother to fetch me the remote when he's not even in the room or where I say 'I cant do the dishes. I am sick you know' Basically I become a cranky,moody and generally pathetic person. It does not help that unlike other normal people,I dont lose my appetite when sick. I still want to eat but the worst part is I cant taste anything. Today,my mom baked an ASSORTMENT of bread & the only thing I could feel was the aftertaste of my pills.WORST FEELING EVER.

I know I have not updated a lot. I have missed some pretty important events so I'm going to try and cram 'em in the next post (which will happen soon.I hope?)

I am alive.

2011-10-09T10:34:00.000-07:00

I assure you.

In the mean time, I found this in my photobooth folder from a month back. This is to my friends who do no get my fear of roller coasters. Just,no. This might make me the only teenager in Singapore who has not/does not/ is not going to ride Battlestar Gallectica (sp) but just thinking about it makes my stomach churn. boohoo I am an old soul.

Ahh.

Obligatory open mouth photo

Obligatory open mouth photo #2

Yes,we are in baju kurung and I did not comb my hair.

Put your motherfucking hands up.

2011-09-27T08:15:00.000-07:00

Lists Lists lisssssssts.

Things I did during Recess Week :-

Went to see GDTOP&SEUNGRI live at the Padang.*
Falling in love with Modern Family.
Downton Abbey.

Things to look forward to :-

Simon Dominic's new album.
New music from lyrical genius #1 Tablo (finally :'))
Turning -almost- 20. ohmygod that number is so darn FOREIGN.

Things I want you to know :-

I sanwiched myself during Yogilatez yesterday.
We also did a 'hamsterll curll'
Today I accidentally left my Iphone in the toilet cubicle at school during geography lab & only realized 15 minutes later.The phone was recovered by (GET THIS) Ranice Tan. I made nisa call my number and Ranice,bless her heart picked up. I dont know if this is some coincidence,some divine intervention or some good ass karma but I thank God anyways (& Ranice of course)

Things I need to strive to do :-

Be on top of my assignments
Get a job to fund my wanderlust.
Stop judging boys based on their choice of footwear.

*It still amazes me how people dont just combust out of pure admiration when they see TOP live. This man's sole purpose in the world is to remind the rest of the world perfection exists all day,everyday.

I dont know if I should help you or euthanize you.

2011-09-22T01:31:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Khairiah and I went to watch Crazy Stupid Love before it wrapped its run on the cinemas. Other than the eye candy that was Ryan boom-pregnant Gosling and Emma Stone's mouth (I love her,really. She is stunning and funny but when she talks her mouth moves funny) distracting me ever so often - I like it. The dialogue is great. Zippy and fluid. To be absolutely succint (I am sometimes) - it was sweet lah. Will I watch it again? Maybe but I will prolly skip to the part where Ryan Gosling takes offs his damned shirt. I am sure I will not be the only one.

Oh and whilst staring at my wall yesterday I saw something I wanted to share.

I took this from one of the many graffitied walls at hongdae (favourite place) Basically its a bunch of words you would associate with love. The biggest words are 'Love' 'Us' 'You & I' followed by smaller words like 'wife' 'kiss' 'at first sight' 'alcohol' 'soulmate' ''would you marry me' etc etc It's cute right. Very cute. I didnt see this earlier but someone wrote in a different hand than the rest of the words,in scrawling handwriting probably with a ballpoint pen '섹스' meaning 'Sex'... Oh yeah,we forgot that one guys. One day when I am back there and dont have a 'vandalism means jail term' deterrent hanging above my head I am going to run wild with my ballpoint pen too.

Inspiration Pespiration Precipitation

2011-09-19T08:28:00.000-07:00

It took me long enough (since dismantling my old muse board after A-levels) to start on a fresh one. I am not too sure why but having a pretty muse board just makes everything better. I also think 'muse board' is a term I coined myself and I'm pretty sure it's the wrong use of the word 'muse' but I aint calling it anything else.

It was frustrating at first because I couldnt find a printer driver for my Canon Selphy that was compatible with Lion OS so I had to print my pictures via SD card and some proportions turned out weird. I managed quite well I would say. I mulled over for awhile who I wanted on my museboard. In JC, the criteria was pretty much anything I could get my hands on just to cover as much space as possible. (Somehow I used to think receipts were pretty muse-worthy) Now, I've kinda laid back on space-maximizing and only include people/places/phrases I really really like. (If you are on this museboard you are pretty darn special.)


Before - After


Close ups!

The right-most panel is on my actual wall & they're all pictures from Seoul 2011 because as you know it is 7 months since it happened and I still think it happened yesterday. I am not sure if you (all 5 of you) can see but I actually printed a picture of my raw fish bibimbap and pasted it on my wall (last square) Me and that bowl of bibimbap go a really long way.

& what do you mean I cant label Robb Stark as 'HUSBAND'?

Please take this appetite away (at least some of it)

2011-09-15T09:18:00.000-07:00

I am at a position in my life where if you offered me a big fat PBJ sandwich at 12am - I wouldnt say no. My appetite is so giganormous these days and I am not whining in a skinny girl pretending to be fat kinda way(we all know that train has long passed) I mean really - today I ate enough to feed a small rural village.

Rampant eating aside,I've been really busy these few weeks. School, my friends, is so draining.Mentally from the studying I attempt to do and physically from all the godforsaken traveling to and fro. Everytime I try to sit down and blog I end up closing my browser and going into slumber. (rhymes for a frickin reason) Nonetheless, 6 weeks in I feel myself slowly finding my ground. To say that for the past month I have been wandering -almost floating- like Kate Bush in her Wuthering Heights video - is an understatement.

Scholastic pursuits aside,

This is Won (to the fcking) Bin.

He is blowing hypothetical air into your face.

These are good days.

2011-08-30T10:10:00.000-07:00

I spent my day the way I like it best - relaxed,full of yummy food and being with people who I've known my whole life. The thing with Hari Raya is that my family (bless our souls) make it a point only to visit immediate family because really none of us have any energy nor wish to go through the awkwardness of distant relative '-whose-daughter-are-you-again?' types. So basically we just chill at my grandmother(S) houses,eat good stuff,have voluntary naps in my grandmom's comfy bed and watch chinese movies.

It's particularly alarming to see how grown up everybody gets. This is particularly because I've realised my cousins are becoming bigger and even more alarming to see just how much older I have become. But none of this nostalgic nonsense - obligatory hari raya photos ~~~

Lovely Mikhail. But really, how handsome is this boy. I have a pretty good feeling he'll end up breaking more hearts than intended this one.

Chilling on Syura's comfy comfy bed with kueh (STRAIGHT from the tub) with no regard of our baju kurungs at all. Considering,I just woke up from a brilliant nap when this was taken.

Asyura (owner of said comfy bed) being a cranky baby whilst watching Snow White on DVD. This girl is obsessed with Snow White - She knows how the story goes in freaking Malay and she's four.


Can we take a moment to appreciate how radiant my grandmother looks? HERO

As you can see - ALL HUMILITY ASIDE - we are a pretty good looking bunch. okay,I kid.

Now I have to rush to do my Fukuyama readings but I have the fact that I can FINALLY eat in the various eating establishments in school tomorrow to comfort me. Happy Hari Raya lovelies! (Okay,the three people who know of this blog.)

I smell photocopying ink and dying trees everywhere.

2011-08-24T11:13:00.000-07:00

One page (out of a whole damn lot) of my crime/justification of punishment readings to be done by tomorrow (today) As you can probably conclude,school is in full swing and GASP I am struggling against a high tide here.

In any case,day-5 to HARI RAYA. I cannot wait.

Good Stuff

2011-08-21T08:49:00.000-07:00

Pinodyne - Goodnight
Been listening to a LOT of pinodyne nowadays. I like Huck P's voice it's kinda ragged and all throaty. This was in Common Cafe aka everything is so chill and laid-back it's great.

Jazzyfact - Vibra aka officially favourite song of forever.
This video is rad zino forgets the lyrics in the middle and I love comfy,intimate gigs like this. It's literally a basement.

Crucial Star - Stupid Love Song
Obligatory hipster Crucial song. Straight up,all sincerity and hearts on sleeves.Also the bass on this song is ridiculous.RIDICULOUS.SO.GOOD. I like it.

& this is an attempt to get it out there aka tell the 2 people who know of this blog that I listen to good shit. I hate (no really,HATE) when people put me into this kpop mould just because I listen to korean music or like to watch korean dramas.It does not work like that people.Believe it or not,not everyone who is into the korean scene has to worship idols.

Quality TV.

2011-08-20T11:33:00.000-07:00

I like Jersey Shore. Judge away but this shit is HIGHLARIOUS. Snooki is easily the most entertaining thing/person/ball of pink/guinea pig on tv. When I was watching this week's episode it kept buffering so I went and made screencaps of Snooki whenever it paused. It's really fun.

Snooki telling The Situation that he is (& I quote) "A fucking asshole and I am not going to be friends with you ANYMORE. WE ARE DONE (hand motion) DONE."

Sophistication at it's best.

Nicole aka Snooki aka Ms Piggy from the Muppets. (She had that ribbon the entire episode)

I would also like to know how 'Nicole' became 'Snooki'

Her nails are freaking FATAL. She is crying by the way. (still funny)

Jenni aka my spirit animal being awesome & fierce. I love her.

I leave you now with the ball of sunshine that is Pauly D. (Also, he can get it.I'm just putting it out there so you guys are clear) Wow,suhaidah you are the epitome of decorum.

Little brother conversations #1

2011-08-19T08:53:00.000-07:00

Dell : When I grow up I want to be an engineer and maybe part time as someone who helps endangered animals,snakes in particular.
Me :Nonsense. You're scared of lizards in our house and you want to be like those people on Animal planet?!NO, BE A DENTIST INSTEAD.
Dell : *whines* maybe I can part time or something,when people have snakes in their houses I come and...
Me: So you want to be a pest exterminator?
Dell : NO. I DONT WANT TO EXTERMINATE THEM. I WANT TO HELP THEM.
Me : Dentist. Be a dentist,please.
Dell : Dada,I dont even brush my teeth everyday please give that dream up.

Young Blood.

2011-08-17T09:53:00.000-07:00

Week 2 of school has flew by like a bullet train (not unlike the speeds that our EN1101E/Literature lecturer talks at) Tomorrow is my last school day of the week - this being a perk when making your own timetables aka I haz long weekends all semester round. WHOOP WHOOP.

Lectures have been brisk and relatively painless because it's basically an introduction to introduction modules with lecturers assuring us about the intellectual gains we will experience and that 'it will all be okay...' before telling us hurriedly of the monstrous content they are squeezing in 12 weeks with a wry smile. Read : 5 lit texts in 3 months & a very giganormous textbook for EC1101E. (I dont even know why I signed up for economics. WHY!) If anything,I need to get my shit together because I see myself (already) slipping away. There are readings to be done and assignments to follow up.Basically a lot of independent studying shit which let me tell you - is not my cup of tea. I do realise though that by one way or another I have to grow the hell up. But I am finding that it's harder than it seems. (I think I have used this excuse too many times already. HA-HA-HA)

I hope this lethargy just wears off because I'm not even sure why I am so tired all the time. No daylight food intake aside. On a another relevant note, today I signed up for Yogilatez in a bid to be involved in something other than 'independent learning'.Quite excited really. Despite my lack of enthusiasm towards uni right now,I still really do want to make this whole experience as exciting as possible. You know,live a little - or a lot. Trying new things 101,being spontaneous,get an ipad, live on a scary low bank account balance,idealize everything,explore my moral grounds,piss people off and fluffy shit like that.

With that said,in the coming months I am going to try to live up to my fabulous kween Oscar Wilde's words( in Dorian Gray as said by the also fabulous and equally smexy Lord Henry)

Live! Live the wonderful life that is in you. Let nothing be lost upon you.Be always searching for new sensations.Be afraid of nothing...

Now to do something about this insomnia...

Ideally.

2011-08-14T09:33:00.000-07:00

Nights like these

2011-08-10T10:12:00.000-07:00

Most nights throughout this 8 month brain hibernation (and more so the last month after I stopped working) are typically like this :-

Lie on awesome queen size bed (the insane love I have for my bed. I cant even)
Browse the internet
go to tumblr - scroll til neverland.
trolling on ontd
browsing online shops
going cray cray on my gmarket shopping cart
watching sophisticated movies and tv shows like Game of thrones & creepy asian and european art house films
watching unsophisticated movies and tv shows like Jersey fucking shore (I aint even mad) and cheesy asian romantic comedy films
midnight snackin' like a badass mofo.
have you guys seen my in-bed refreshment centre aka water bottle of the century?

Dope.

Alas,all good things come to an end.I forsee the end of these wonderful nights-early mornings.Lessons aka Uni legit-life starts tomorrow at 10am. I am still unsure about this AM business because I have not seen the light of day ever since I became a vampire 192 years ago. (loljk I just wake up really late thats all) Blatant attempts at being funny aside,I am sure those who do know me have had enough of my incessant future fearing-self but this does not change the fact that I am still frightened by the what-if's of whats to come. I guess I just have to dive in with a straight face and pray it will go well.

In any case,my first lecture (its a seminar but really what is the difference) is titled Crime & Justification of Punishment so I am pretty stoked. I have to be,I bidded 396 points for this gdamn module. If it's anything like the crime channel then we wont have a problem.

I WILL SEE YOU GUYS ON THE OTHER SIDE.

Domestication part 1.

2011-08-07T10:31:00.000-07:00

Today I cooked bibimbap for the entire family. It was my first time legitly cooking and I did not know what shit I was doing. Going back and forth watching youtube videos 'How to make bibimbap step 1' and doing a crappy job at slicing vegetables (SERIOUSLY THO? HOW COME MY MOM MAKES IT LOOK SO DARN EASY) I didnt even try tasting coz I was fasting but apparently my 손맛 skills are better than I thought because it turned out great. A little rough around the edges - but great.

& then I knocked out because as I have now realised cooking is no.joking.matter.

Not too eager for the next time I undertake such heavyweight cooking again - it's not that I dont like it (I dont really mind) but it's so burdensome because what if it's not any good. In malay families,food is like King. Good food is like sacred and in my family we have (thank my stars) good food everyday because my mom (and grandmom) are AMAAAZING. So the pressure is really high I felt like I was in Masterchef.I guess with practice I'll get better so you never know.

ps/I should have taken pictures right. Really,it was quite glorious but sigh eating was more important at that point of time.

You win or you die.

2011-08-04T11:49:00.000-07:00

credit

I am currently done with Game Of Thrones and am starting A Clash of Kings.Quite honestly,I think I am starting to like the story too much. As for the characters,I am beyond help (not that I am surprised this always happens. this affection for fictional characters thing ) I am too attached and since this is GoT I am always ALWAYS fearing someone will die on the next page. It's like my heart is on a tightrope - but still I read like a madman I cannot stop. /stops gushing.

Long pauses & no answers.

2011-07-21T09:38:00.000-07:00

In the midst of finding out how to navigate my way around tertiary nonsense and having the biggest urge to just wing it. Which wont be advisable it seems because waiting for things to happen to me will mean nothing will happen and that will entail falling back even more - which will not be desirable no,no.

How do I say this without sounding whiny or self-piteous or lame. Fact is,I feel this great sense of inadequacy & inferiority (omg,admitting inferiority is.so.sad.) probably stemming from how outstanding everyone else is and how relatively mediocre I feel in comparison.This should be unfounded because really,just how childish is that? I am aware that I have to get my shit together and eat some metaphoric 'you are awesome' pills but this is much more difficult than it sounds. I guess this being truly comfortable with who I am thing takes more than just assuming that I am. Okay,I think I have just crossed the line of being too poignant again - let's just say I am going to work harder at fixing my latent issues with myself from now on and leave it at that :}

Baby steps Su,baby steps.

Writing.

2011-07-20T11:46:00.000-07:00

I've been wanting to start writing/blogging again for a while now but never really sat down to do it,so ta-da~

Technically tumblr does not count because its truthfully nothing but pretty pictures of people that I like jumbled with funny shit tumblr manages to choke up.There is no sense of coherency at all - which is perfectly alright but I recently started to miss writing. Or rather realised that after 8 months of brain inactivity I've literally lost the ability to chronicle anything.So this is my flailing attempt to jump-start articulating my opinions and feelings (when I decide to feel) more coherently from now on.

Wow it's really hard for me to write something here without sounding poignant or pensive. On the other hand,I dont want to sound shallow either.This is actually pretty difficult. How the hell did I so effortlessly write up storms in my old blogs. Oh yeah,I was younger and I cared less about people's perceptions. Well aint that a bitch. Here,have a Snooki GIF instead.

Stay classy,everybody!